Secret Tears
by Sara's Earliest Works
Summary: More sappy angst. My OTP of the old days is pretty obvious by now.


"Secret Tears"  
by Sara Jaye 

Another Kunzite&Zoisite story! However, this one is from Kunzite's point of view, it focuses on his very well-hidden emotions, why he keeps up the "ice king" mask, and how much Zoisite means to him.

Disclaimers: Sailor Moon is the property of Naoko Takeuchi and Toei animation. None of the characters belong to me. This is a yaoi fic, and an angsty, sappy one at tha. So if that kind of thing bothers you, you may want to close this window. Otherwise, enjoy!

It's 2am. I'm cold, unable to sleep. The rain ralls in continous streams outside, beating down on the windows. I get out of bed quietly, so as not to disturb him. This is a rare occasion in which he's sleeping well...I'd hate to ruin that for him. Sigh...he looks so beautiful when he's asleep...his golden hair framing his beautiful face like a silk curtain...his innocent smile.  
Gods, I love him...I love him so much it hurts. He always tells me I'm his light in the darkness, his warmth in the cold. How much he loves me. He's so passionate, so devoted...I wish I could be as affectionate to him, tell him just how much I love him. I tell him I love him, of course, how important he is to me. I just...feel guilty because he's so loyal, I'm his world. He's not afraid to admit it. But I'm always so quiet about my feelings. As much as I love him, I'm also a workaholic. And our job is more than just very important. Our lives depend on our success and how hard we work...don't get me wrong, Zoi is very serious about his job and is very successful a lot of the time. But even so, his loyalty always lies with me. To him, I always come first. But so often I'm torn between him and our job, and since I'm the most powerful and highest ranked of the Dark Kingdom Shitennou, I'm always forced to choose business over pleasure.  
I know how much this upsets him...I wish it didn't have to be this way. It hurts to see him in pain, even more when I know I'm causing the pain. He blames himself, saying he's just so clingy and weak, always needing to hold onto me. If that's weak, I'm as guilty of it as he is, maybe even more. But he doesn't know. He doesn't know that under the strong, calm front, I'm as broken and insecure as he is. I can't let him see that, though...I want to be strong for him. Sure, he says I can always lean on him and that he'll always be here for me, but I still feel compelled to be the stronger of the 2 of us. I don't want him to see me crying or depressed. I don't want to worry him more than he already is...hours ago, he said I looked depressed and asked what was wrong. I told him not to worry about it, it was just stress.  
I look at him again...Gods, he's so beautiful...and brilliant, and sweet...how did I ever get so lucky? I'm so cold, an antisocial workaholic. Hell, he was even afraid to tell me he loved me because I'm so cold. Why me? He doesn't believe it, but he's so wonderful, anyone would love to be with him. Yet he chose me.  
My eyes are stinging with tears now. Nothing new, though. This crying-at-2am is a regular thing, 3 days a week at least. I don't want to be here, I'm sick of being forced to choose between my love and the woman who practically owns me. Zoi is miserable here, I just want us to live a normal life...Zoi deserves better than this. As my tears begin to fall, I wrap my arms tightly around myself. Cold, inside and out...I try and force myself not to cry, I can't cry...if Zoi woke up and saw me he'd worry, and I don't want to worry him...I've got to be strong...but at the same time I just want him to hold me, and tell me it'll be all right...I just want to be close to him, to bury my face against his silky hair, to hear his beautiful voice whispering my name.  
He's the only one who can see the real me under the "Ice King" image, the only one who appreciates me for who I am...so why do I still feel the need to hide my emotions? He loves me for who I am, yet I still hide...I want to be strong for him.  
I can't stop crying as I collapse back into bed. I hope Zoi doesn't hear me and wake up...

"Kunzaito-sama?"

Too late...then again, maybe he just can't sleep. I don't know it's my fault...

"Are you crying?"

He did hear me. I don't answer, only hold myself tighter and try to stop the tears falling from my eyes.  
"What's wrong, my love?" he asks, placing his hand on my back. Against my better judgement, I turn my head to look at him. As expected, he's almost horrified to see my tears.  
"Kunzaito-sama!" he whispers. "Why are you crying? It breaks my heart to see you in pain, my love," he says, his voice choked. I wish I could stop crying! Just hearing the sadness in his voice.  
"Zoi..." I finally say. His sharp yet soft green eyes are wet with emotion as he looks at me. Saying nothing, he snuggles against me, wraps his arms around my chest and buries his head against my shoulder.  
"You don't have to tell me what's wrong. Just know I'm here, and that I love you," he whispers. I feel my pain melting away as I hold him, burying my face in his hair.  
"I love you too, Zoisaito...I know I don't say it enough, but you mean everything to me, I'm just sorry I never show you how much," I sob, holding him as close as I can, never wanting to let him go. "I hate choosing work over you, Zoisaito, I'm sorry it upsets you so much." He silences me, placing a finger over my lips.  
"I know. Even though you're so quiet and don't say it very much, I just know," he whispers, smiling softly.  
"Don't ever leave me," I choke, tears still running down my face. "Ever."  
"I'll be here forever," he reassures me, his embrace tightening. "Whenever you need to hold onto me, I'll be here. You don't have to be strong all the time...it's okay to cry." I feel a weight lifting from my heart upon hearing this.  
"Zoi..." I whisper, gently bringing him closer and pressing my lips to his. His fingers run gently through my hair as he kisses me back.  
Slowly, the cold begins to fade, as well as the world around us. Who cares about Beryl or that stupid crystal? Right now, the most important one in my life is in my arms. And no matter what, I'll never let go of him.

End

Finished! Man, after over a month of bad luck with writing it feels GOOD to get something done! My writing was at a high over the December holidays, then in January it...slowly began to fizzle out. I dunno if this story marks it coming back with a vengence or not, but either way I'm just glad I wrote something. It was pretty interesting to write from Kunzite's point of view. I'm so used to writing from Zoisite's and I identify with him more. But as Heather-sama said, writing both sides of the relationship helps give more insight. Till next time!


End file.
